The 40 Before 40 List I Wrote
I wrote my 40 Before 40 list in September 2025.
And if I’m being honest, I didn’t accomplish most of the things on it.
But I also knew when I wrote it that the list was intense. It required huge amounts of time, money, energy, commitment, discipline, sacrifice, and consistency. I wasn’t naive about that.
At the time, I viewed the list as a challenge. A way to push myself, dream bigger, and prove to myself that life still had possibility in it.
But more than anything, the list came from a place that didn’t want to let life pass me by. I wanted to be involved in my own life. I wanted experiences, memories, and movement. Joy, growth, and stories to tell. I wanted to stop surviving and actually participate in living.
And in that respect, I succeeded.
What Actually Happened
What I didn’t realize was that the real transformation wouldn’t come from completing the list itself. It would come from changing.
My life since writing that list has been something else entirely. I have lived fully and laughed hard. I have gone to concerts and screamed lyrics at the top of my lungs. I have created memories I’ll carry forever, spent quiet nights healing, and learned to slow down. I have started building a life that actually feels good to live in.
And most importantly, I got bariatric surgery.
The Surgery That Changed Everything
That one decision alone changed the trajectory of my life.
Not because it was the easy way out. Honestly, anyone who says that has absolutely no idea what this process demands mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially.
This journey has required discipline, vulnerability, patience, consistency, discomfort, and hope even on days where progress felt invisible. As a result, it changed the way I move through the world, how I care for myself, the way I think about my future, and how I show up for my body one day at a time.
And I think that deserves more grace than a checklist can measure.
Why This Failure Feels Different
I failed my 30 Before 30 list too.
Back then, I failed because I spent too much of my life prioritizing other people’s goals, expectations, timelines, comfort, and needs over my own. I abandoned myself constantly, trying to keep up with versions of life that no longer fit me.
This time, my 40 Before 40 list failure is different. It happened because I finally prioritized myself.
Somewhere along the way, I realized my 40 Before 40 list was never really about productivity. Instead, it was about possibility. About believing I still had a future worth investing in.
I may not have completed the list the way I imagined. Even so, I became stronger, healthier, happier, more present, and more alive. I honored the everchanging fabric of my soul instead of forcing myself to stay loyal to an older version of me.
And I think that’s the real accomplishment.
Looking back, I’m learning that healing rarely looks impressive from the outside. Sometimes it looks like small daily choices. Drinking water. Going on walks. Resting. Showing up for appointments. Taking the vitamins. Buying the concert ticket. Taking the picture anyway. Choosing yourself over and over again.
What My 40th Birthday Actually Looked Like
There is one part of the original list that keeps replaying in my mind.
I wrote: “On April 25, 2026, I want to do something absolutely incredible to celebrate my 40th. Something not even on this list. A once in a lifetime finale to close out my 30s.”
And honestly, my 40th birthday looked nothing like I imagined.
I ate tacos from Taquitos West Ave with my dad, my siblings, and my nieces. My mom had to work. Afterward, we spent time together at my apartment. with my dad, my siblings, and my nieces.
It wasn’t some extravagant finale. There were no fireworks, no luxury trip, no cinematic ending. But there was love, laughter, family, and decluttering.
And maybe most importantly, there was growth.
I had a tiny piece of birthday cake because while I wanted to honor my birthday, I also didn’t want to get dumping syndrome or sabotage the hard work I’ve put into changing my life.
Ultimately, that tiny piece of cake might represent my growth more than some giant once-in-a-lifetime event ever could. Because for the first time in a very long time, I celebrated myself without abandoning myself in the process.
What Comes Next
So no, I didn’t finish my 40 Before 40 list. But I have spent this past year changing my life one day at a time. And I think that counts for something much bigger.
I do plan on making a 50 Before 50 list. This time, I’ll have nearly a decade instead of feeling like I’m racing against the clock. But I’m also not rushing into it.
If you want to know why I started this list in the first place, that story is here.
One thing this chapter has taught me is that rushing does not always lead to positive results. Sometimes growth needs time and healing needs patience. Becoming the person you’re meant to be often happens slowly, quietly, and in ways that don’t always photograph well.
In fact, some of the best things that have happened to me were never on the original list at all.
I don’t want my life to feel like a constant emergency anymore. I want to experience it, evolve with it, and leave room for the version of me that doesn’t exist yet.
I used to believe success had to look dramatic to count. Now I think peace, growth, health, presence, and being honest with yourself might be the bigger victory.
So I’m curious:
What’s something in your life that didn’t turn out the way you planned… but still became meaningful anyway?
